My heart was grieved as I caught the headline "Divorce fair debuts in Britain." The summary stated:
It is all I can do not to cry. And all I can say is God help us.
We are so blinded and such hurt and fear has taken over that divorce is the way to go if you've shackled yourself to begin with. It is ideal to not even get married to begin with. Yet, how much more sorrow and hurt does this mentality create. There is no commitment, no respect or love. This mentality just breeds distrust at exponential rates!

God, oh please help us to see. I pray this is one route that we do not follow into... though it is true that we have already made divorce the easiest legal process. The fact that it's even called a process makes me shudder. Such a stark and detached tone. These are people's lives. You are tearing something, someones apart.
The foundational institution on the planet has become the easiest institution to dissolve.

One of my Canadian friends asked for an update.... while listening to a song I realized that many prob have no idea what's gone down recently... so here goes:

School:  a few more papers and a final and I'll have my Bachelors in Christian Ministries with a focus in counseling. I received a raise at work for the new year and am considering putting of beginning my Masters in Social Work at Louisiana State University near where I live  now in Baton Rouge, LA. I haven't decided yet. The deadline to get all this stuff in to the school and the big test I have to take... seems sort of daunting. However, I did just find out u can do part time your first few semesters. It would reeeeaaaallllly be hard to do.
work:Just told u about that

Love: I nearly fell in love with a man. It turned out not to be of the Lord and so I am glad
He took him when He did. I seriously think that I would have fallen
away or compromised greatly. He had so many tiny details that were so hard to believe.
However, we would have ended up resenting one another in the long run.  
He just took me by surprise and I threw it all
to the wind... big red flag!). I knew that I'd want more if I saw him
and that I'd only be thinking of myself. I realized how selfish I was
when I remembered how hurt he has been. At 29, he's only had two
relationships before me and they were horrible. They used him like
crazy.

I miss being doted on. I miss the affection and we did so much fun
stuff together! It was so awesome! And he was the hottest thing to me.
I also knew what he'd look like in his late 50s bec he's the spitting
image of his dad who is very attractive at his age!
But like this song is saying... no one should settle for less than love :

Thoughts: I opened some doors and have since prayed for them to be closed. He has done that. I find myself sometimes going back for more and I have to take my thoughts captive! You can pray for that. I AM at a place where if I had to choose between the rapture happening tomorrow or meeting my husband tomorrow I'd so choose the rapture... assuming there is one. Otherwise I'm ready for the trumpet to sound!
The only time I've ever been able to say that is on a particularly rough day lol

Church: changing churches. there is nothing wrong with the one I'm at. I feel that God has spoken that this new year is to be one of establishment. The reasons I came to the church I've been at the last year were out of fear. The last 6-8 months have been months of prayer with my spiritual mom who is also the administrator at the church and we both felt it was time. Feels like I'm leaving the nest LOL... even when I spoke with my pastors and they prayed over me etc, my pastor piped up and said...you're growing up!

I'll prob end up at the church near my house. I haven't been to a sunday service but have been to their sunday school and this morning I got to hear the actual pastor teach bec the sunday school teacher was sick. That gave me peace. Awesome how God gave me that last bit of assurance. While I was at my church today for my last Sunday I was getting all sad and second guessing myself... thinking it was just me, etc. While counting the tithe for the last time I received a word of encouragement from the person I was counting with and that calmed my fears.
My neighbor is starting to come with me too so that's awesome!

Thanksgiving: I'll be in TX visiting ;) jealous??

Questions anyone?

I am waiting for the i did "the right thing" peace to set in.... so far I got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I didn't anticipate having a time where I would be so frustrated that I cannot walk away from my sweet Lord... it means that I can't walk away from his principles and precepts that He has instilled in me either. I just CANNOT.
I know that in the long run this is the right thing... but it hasn't really hit me as satisfying. I wonder if it ever will.

No instead I just want to cry. I've blown the diet... I want to be reckless and am already feeling resentment toward one of my Christian brothers bec he has everything John did not and nothing John had... so he just irritates me right now. Poor guy. I;m just angry that I met this beautiful person and that he had to be hurt and that I cannot have him for life. I dare say I was falling in like with the guy.
I just want to scream screw it! and just blow everything. Not care... eat some serious ice cream, etc.
I'm sad that I do not get to continue being a support to him... that i don't get to continue offering him that acceptance that he said he had NEVER found in his previous relationships. he just felt so comfortable and I believe it. His insecurities were safe (but not unchallenged) with me.
He was becoming such a friend and my trust and comfort in him was abounding. And I want to continue being that support... being someone he can come home to and know that I'm his and love those lil things he's so insecure about but wow they genuinely turn me on! I'm just broken and don't know if he really knows that.

I don't know that i should tell him that either. Would that just make it worse for him?  Any guys out there that read this wanna throw me a bone? He was pretty sad too... said he at first planned on fighting me tooth and nail over it but realized that if he won now he'd lose later bec it would eventually have had to end bec 2 elemental thinsg r just not there for me.

My fear is that there will not be someone who will have what i treasured and long for in John along with the similar passions, esp for the Lord....